The Varieties of Religious Experience

Holly Isemonger & Chris Fleming

This is the next phase of your life, said

the shaft of light on cold toast. Disappointed that

I was entering the confessional

when I thought I was done with the genre

a shaft of light on cold toast. Disappointed that

I am supposed to find god here

I had been so long alone

I found myself in a scrubland dark

I am supposed to find god here?

In the twilight of my self-regard

I found myself inside a scrubland dark

eating Spiritual Memes to give me heft

implicit in my thinking is:

put no emotion in grant applications

‘It appears you are writing a god application’

still, do you think I will get in?

in the twilight of my agnosticism

supine in deep, scarless wounds

I put no emotion in grant supplications

organise my disorders alphabetically

because of my old scarless wounds

I adopt a lilting kind of deceit 

organise my disorders alphabetically

that’s how I make the shortlist

I adopt a lilting kind of deceit 

I set my skills down, gently

Will this make it easier to love me? 

(God knows.)

I set my goals down, gently

with peerless mediocrity

will this make it easier to love me?

what do I have to endure? 

with fearless mediocrity

I confront all that I fear in my guts

what I have to endure.

I deserve a predictable future

I confront all I fear in my guts

I love myself for that 

I deserve a predictable future

a home in which I can stop

I love myself for that but 

I want something to love me there too

a home in which I can hope

I believe it now—that’s new.

HOLLY ISEMONGER is a poet from Gerringong, NSW. She was the joint winner of the Judith Wright Poetry Prize. Her work has appeared in journals such as Cordite, Blackbox Manifold, Overland and Westerly. She is the author of Greatest Hit (Vagabond Press) and the chapbooks Hip Shifts (If A Leaf Falls Press) and Deluxe Paperweight (Stale Objects dePress).

CHRIS FLEMING is an Australian writer and translator whose work has appeared in both the scholarly and popular media. He is the author or editor of ten books, including the acclaimed memoir On Drugs (Giramondo 2019). He is currently Associate Professor in Humanities and a Member of the Writing and Society Research Centre at Western Sydney University.